Dear Prudence offers advice about prickly predicaments for Slate.com.
Jenee Desmond Harris took over the column two years ago and tells Jesse Mulligan the advice column endures because it has universal appeal.
Jenee Desmon Harris Photo: supplied
“There's so many themes that so many people can relate to, and everyone has an opinion about, whether it's who should and should not be invited to a wedding, when to break up with a romantic partner, how to resolve a debate about whether you should have children, what to do if your neighbour isn't taking good care of their pet.
“These are just issues that even if readers and listeners haven't experienced them directly, they can kind of imagine them and come up with usually a strong opinion about how they might respond.”
How to end friendships that have gone bad is a recurring problem she received letters about, she says.
She wrote a piece arguing that just like we break up with a romantic partner, when things aren't working, we should officially break up with our friends as well.
“We should have a conversation saying this isn't working. We aren't serving each other well. No hard feelings, but I think this friendship has run its course.”
She advises people do this privately and with care.
“People who choose to do it, should do it as intimately as possible. Don't be a coward. Don't send a text to someone who lives in your neighbourhood, meet in person, if that's how you normally spend time together.”
Make sure the person knows there's no hard feelings, she says.
“I'll still be happy to say ‘hi’ when I see you at the office, when I see you at yoga, or we'll be at that birthday party and I'll try not to make it weird.
“But don't just leave it open so that the person doesn't know how to handle it if they do run into you.”
While good friends are important, they don’t give good advice, she says.
“I don't think that's a bad thing. Because I think a priority in a friendship should be kindness, enjoying being in each other's company, rather than life coaching, calling difficult truths.
“And I think a lot of time advice is better when it comes from someone like a therapist or advice columnist, someone whose job is not to create a good time for you or make you feel secure.”
The process of writing in itself has therapeutic value, she says.
“I think there's some room for healing when you realise other people, whether they're in the comments or discussing it on social media, are in a similar situation.”
Making friends and loneliness is a recurring theme, she says.
“This is a huge theme I see these days; people in their 20s and 30s and even 40s, just saying, I just I don't have a good friend group. It's so tough to meet people.
“The pandemic made it worse. I always say you're not alone. So many people are going through this. And I just hope that knowledge helps a little bit.”
