Indian community warming to ‘taboo’ retirement homes

By Rizwan Mohammad*

The stigma of older parents living in rest homes or retirement villages is slowly diminishing in South Asian communities, with families increasingly starting conversations about aged care that would have been rare even just a few years ago.

South Asian households have traditionally refrained from sending older parents in New Zealand to an aged care facility, viewing such behaviour as bringing dishonour to the family. The subject itself has long been taboo.

More recently, however, the fast-growing Indian population in New Zealand has slowly warmed to the idea.

But as conversations about older parents living in aged care grow, community leaders are calling for increased access to culturally appropriate options, an issue that will likely challenge municipal planners in future.

Rest homes are largely specialised care units for older residents needing 24/7 medical support.

To receive residential care in a rest home, an older person's needs are assessed via a general practitioner's referral or Needs Assessment Service Coordination. If the applicant meets certain criteria, district health boards can partially fund the care.

In contrast, retirement villages are a housing option for seniors who choose to live independently in apartments or villas.

The properties are purchased by residents, who also pay additional amounts for services they'd like.

Many recent migrants to New Zealand who have relocated from India to be closer to their children and grandchildren lack time to socialise with other older people of a similar age, making such shared spaces an attractive option.

Rest homes

Indian community organisations in New Zealand have recently received an overwhelming number of enquiries about rest homes from seniors.

"We took an informal poll with over 50 seniors during our weekly activity meeting, and more than 90 percent said they would like to move into a rest home if given an opportunity," says Vishav Sharma, lifestyle and activity manager at the Shanti Niwas Charitable Trust in Auckland.

Jyoti Parashar, chairperson of the Disha NZ Charitable Trust in Auckland, says more families are now talking about rest homes as a genuine option.

"In 2017, my husband suffered an age-related medical incident that made him almost immobile," says Prem Lata Gupta, 73.

"It was hard for me to take full care of him at home," Gupta says. "He was at the rest home in Hillsborough for seven years, receiving amazing care, something that I could not have given him at home. He passed away in peace earlier in June this year."

Narendra Bhana, president of the New Zealand Indian Central Association, says that moving older parents to a rest home or an assisted-living environment would have been dismissed by the community 15-20 years ago.

"In the past, many within the Indian community in New Zealand would have viewed sending parents to rest home as neglecting familial responsibilities and deviating from cultural expectations," Bhana says.

Jagdish Natali, 87, has watched sentiment towards aged care shift significantly over several decades, having lived in New Zealand for about 70 years.

Some of his peers have moved in with their children in their twilight years, others have saved enough to move into aged care.

A third group has been left to fend for themselves after being exploited by members of their own family.

"Early settlers like us who have spent most of our adult lives in New Zealand eventually adapted to the way of Kiwis," says Natali, who has lived at Murray Halberg Retirement Village in the Auckland suburb of Lynfield for the past three years.

"Rest homes or retirement villages are not completely alien to us," he says. "Taboo? Yes, in contrast to our cultural values, but to an extent acceptable."

Culturally appropriate options

With demand for rest homes increasing, a similar need has emerged in culturally appropriate rest homes for older residents needing 24/7 care.

"My father, a revered senior member of the community, who, despite our best arrangements at home, had to spend the last few weeks of his life in a rest home for dedicated round-the-clock care," says Kharag Singh, a community leader in South Auckland.

"While the caregivers gave their best service, he refused to have his bathroom needs tended to or his clothes changed by female staff," Singh recalls.

Singh, 61, says culturally appropriate care goes beyond a basic need for Indian food, vegetarian menus, Indian medical staff or the freedom to fulfil religious obligations in their rooms.

"There is a dire need for culturally appropriate rest homes for our community," says Daljit Singh, president of the Supreme Sikh Society.

"We are working towards an immediate plan to create rest homes so that our community's seniors not just live but celebrate and enjoy the last years of their lives."

One culturally appropriate rest home in New Zealand is the Aashirwad South Asian Wing, which has been managed by the Bhartiya Samaj Charitable Trust at CHT David Lange Care Home in the Auckland suburb of Mangere East since 2013.

"CHT David Lange Care Home is currently the only care home in our network with a dedicated part of the facility for Indian residents, although we do offer cultural programmes for a multitude of cultures at all our care homes," a spokesperson from the facility says.

"We are continually looking at ways we can evolve our facilities to meet the needs of our residents so we may open more dedicated wings in the future."

Vinod Kumar, former president and current executive of the Hindu Council of New Zealand, says building culturally appropriate rest homes for Indian seniors has been on the cards for a long time.

"We know this is a growing need for our community, and we are actively looking for land and funding through investments to start the work on it," Kumar says.

Social isolation and elder abuse are on the rise in the Indian community, prompting some of the community's growing interest in rest homes.

"Yes, the taboo is reducing in the community, but some elders also want to leave their children's houses and move to rest homes to escape abuse from their own family members," says Nilima Venkat, head of operations at Seva Charitable Trust in South Auckland.

A 2024 study by emeritus professor Edwina Pio titled Belonging as an Ageing Asian says the older Asian population has silently suffered physical, mental and financial abuse for years behind closed doors.

Jeet Suchdev, chairperson of the Bhartiya Samaj Charitable Trust, says social isolation can also cause depression and act as a catalyst for poor health in seniors.

"While children become increasingly busy in their lives, elders are losing touch with their immediate family here and their extended family that they left in India, which further adds to their misery," Suchdev says.

Auckland-based writer-filmmaker Shriya Bhagwat captured the subject of social isolation and emotional abuse in migrant elders from India in a short film, Mr Singh's Death.

The film was selected to screen at the 14th Chicago Asian Film Festival in 2023.

Retirement villages

Money - or, rather, the lack of money - is the biggest hurdle to securing a place in a retirement village.

Many older migrants have little in the way of savings in either New Zealand or India.

They typically rely on pensions and government subsidies to cover day-to-day living costs, often sharing a house with one of their children's family.

Those who have been fortunate enough to purchase a unit in a retirement village advise new migrants to start saving early.

"I was a teacher by profession for 28 years and still volunteer at schools on special occasions," says 84-year-old Amarjit Walia, a resident of Ranfurly Retirement Village in the Auckland suburb of Three Kings for eight years.

"I am independent, cook my meals, visit a Gurdwara periodically, and do indoor and outdoor activities to keep myself fit."

* Rizwan Mohammad is a content marketing specialist and a freelance contributor focusing on the growing South Asian community in New Zealand.