Talking to your sons about Andrew Tate and the 'manosphere'

By Kellie Scott, ABC News

Whether we like it or not, boys are familiar with and curious about the "manosphere".

If that term is new for you, the manosphere is a network of online men's communities that have become dominated by misogynistic, anti-feminist views.

Social media influencer and former kickboxer Andrew Tate is an example of the men leading these spaces, known for preaching messages of ultra-masculinity and misogyny.

"It's not a question of whether boys will be exposed to the manosphere … [they] will get caught by it," says Josh Glover, senior facilitator of The Man Cave, a not-for-profit promoting healthy masculinity for boys and young men.

He says while he commonly hears of boys as young as 12 being influenced by the manosphere, that can extend to younger children also.

Understanding why our boys might be attracted, and how to talk to them about it, is crucial in helping them identify harmful content.

Why boys are attracted to the manosphere

Curtin University researchers say the manosphere is a "symptom of a deeper set of challenges young men are facing" and appeals to men, given many are dealing with issues such as "romantic rejection", "alienation" and "loneliness".

New research funded by the eSafety Commissioner, based on interviews with Australian men aged 16 to 21, found a mix of views about controversial figures such as Tate.

Some of those interviewed said Tate was an important source of inspiration for general self-improvement and manhood. Others felt he expressed views about women and gender that were otherwise silenced.

The study's authors say it was optimistic to find there was also a "high level of critical awareness" among those they interviewed, for example, understanding that being controversial is a strategy to attract views.

Parenting expert and dad to six children Justin Coulson says boys in general are experiencing an "identity crisis", which in itself isn't a bad thing.

"[Teenage years] are a time of trying to do the inner work and figure out who you are … it's developmentally appropriate," Dr Coulson says.

But as "the whole idea of masculinity has been called into question" - a lot of which has been necessary, he says - many boys are no longer sure "what it means to be a man".

"Manosphere influencers are saying you need to reclaim your rightful role as protector, procreator … [and the manosphere has] created a space for boys and men who feel disenfranchised to step into that."

Glover says there is a community element in the manosphere that makes boys feel like part of something, and they fear being "left behind" if they don't keep up with what's trending.

Should parents be worried?

It's healthy for kids to be curious about things like the manosphere, Coulson says.

"Parents need to emphasise that - it's normal to be curious."

Glover says often boys are just "trying ideas and attitudes on for size".

"The harm comes when they don't hear other perspectives … or don't have other role models they can ask questions of.

"Or [who] show a different way of what being a man can look like, or a different way of belonging with men."

He says being proactive in talking to your children about the manosphere is the best way to combat any concerns you have and help keep them safe online.

"Thanks to the unregulated nature of social media algorithms and the lack of accountability from the tech companies that operate them, harmful content can be easily accessed by young people online at any age," Glover says.

Helping boys identify harmful attitudes

Glover says we should "choose to see the greatness in teenage boys" which involves giving them the space to talk about why what they are seeing online is resonating with them.

"They are connecting [with that idea] for a reason, and we want to try and understand that world and what is going on for them."

We need to approach these conversations with curiosity, says Glover.

"When we hear something we disagree with, it can be easy to come in and say, 'That's wrong.'" [But if teen boys] feel heard, they will be more likely to hear other perspectives as well."

Start with the positives

As well as challenging concerning messages our children are seeing, Glover says we can focus on the positive aspects - and often that's a more helpful place to start.

"Particularly around health and fitness [a popular subject in the manosphere] - it's easy to have a chat with a young boy around what their nutrition is, or their gym habits.

"For a lot of teens, the gym is quite social. Asking who they are hanging out with, and understanding their progression - if it feels right to ask."

He says some of the things boys admire in figures in the manosphere are qualities like discipline and hard work.

Explore a specific aspect together

Exploring a specific piece of content or idea with your child can be helpful, Coulson says.

"I will spend time watching this with you, because I want to understand it," is an example of what you might say, he says.

Coulson says unpacking it together can help you identify what resonates with your child, and what doesn't.

"It's not trying to interfere with their world, but understand it."

If something comes up that is of concern for you, Coulson suggests explaining you are a bit nervous about it, and empower the child to share how they will protect themselves moving forward.

"It's really about effective problem-solving. Trying to find solutions we can feel good about that still give children as much as autonomy possible."

Role modelling healthy masculinity

Helping children define healthy masculinity - and not just inside these conversations about the manosphere - is key, Coulson says.

"Healthy men make the people around them feel safer and stronger. And that's the message parents need to be teaching to sons and daughters."

Glover says we need to expose boys to different versions of masculinity than what they are seeing online.

"There are so many people in our lives who are healthy, wonderful male role models - find ways to connect with them."

This story was first published by the ABC