It’s done. It’s been very intense, but it is done. We have reached a conclusion. Art found love in a hopeless place, as Rihanna would put it, and the winner of The Bachelor NZ is Matilda Rice! Yay!
Last week I said that my bet was on Alysha, but she let me down just like everyone else has. In saying that, I’m quite pleased that Matilda won, although we can’t say she hasn’t been dropping hints:
Photo: Unknown
And while I’m so happy for Matilda and Arthur’s relationship to progress behind closed doors without the cameras and the mild cyberbullying, I’m quite gutted as I was just about to pitch a new show idea to Mediaworks called ‘The Rice Is Right’.
It’s a spin-off of The Bachelor NZ, The Bachelorette and The Price Is Right. A TRIPLE spin-off. Has that ever been done before? I’m not sure, but how I imagined the show would work is that a panel of guys would be competing in a series of challenges in the quest for Matilda’s heart and then Matilda would choose one to “come on down to be the next contestant on the riiiiiiiiiiiiice is riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight”, which would be like a single date but they also take home a jetski, a 10-day cruise of the Mediterranean, a fridge and $5,000 if they win.
Photo: Unknown
Now that I think about it more, this is a terrible idea. Thankfully, Art saved us all from this mess of what could have been.
Before we reached this very happy conclusion, we had to sit through three dates, some more shots of a shirtless Arthur shaving or in a pool and some intense Green family interrogation. We’ve all been through so much to get to this point.
Photo: Unknown
We said goodbye to Alysha during Tuesday’s rose ceremony and this came as a real shock to me as I thought the connection between her and Art during the family date was HUGE. Oh, how I was wrong. I seem to be able to read Art like a book - a maths text book. As in I can’t read him at all and that’s why my predictions have been wrong throughout the entire season.
There are so many other things that I need to discuss, almost too much, so I’ve condensed it all up into bullet points:
* I’m 90% sure Art’s mother is Kirstie Alley. Did you see those brows?
* As the show progressed, so did Dani’s tendencies to show murderer-like traits. But I guess I would too if the guy I was dating was also dating another girl (or 21) and then left me completely.
* The Bachelor NZ was at least 40 per cent shots of a shirtless Arthur looking in a mirror or being in a pool. He doesn’t seem to be able to think about things unless he’s shirtless.
* Koala poop is my new good luck charm. I’ve placed some in my belly button in the hope that it will bring a bachelor my way.
* Mike Puru is very good at entering and appearing. Very good. Where’s Mike Puru? Oh, he’s there! Look at that! Wasn’t that a flawless entrance? Wow! 10/10 on the entrances, Mike.
So this is it? It’s all over? Will it last? Will there be another season? The Bachelorette NZ? What do I do now? Once again, I’m left with so many questions.
