What do you do when your boss asks you to run personal errands or someone keeps leaving their dirty dishes in the break room?
For ten years, Alison Green has been fielding questions about tricky workplace irritations as a kind of agony aunt of the office in a column, blog and podcast called Ask a Manager.
Photo: 123RF
The top office problems and how to deal with them are tackled in her new book Ask a Manager: Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses and the Rest of Your Life at Work.
She told Afternoons' Jesse Mulligan it is possible to talk about a difficult topic without losing control of the situation.
“You can be direct without being rude, and you can be assertive without being disagreeable.”
Her book looks at 200 potentially difficult conversations that you may need to have at work and suggests ways to approach those conversations.
She says it’s a good idea to be as mentally neutral as possible when going into a difficult conversation, your interlocutor will pick up on your cues.
“If you’re matter of fact about it, there’s a pretty good chance they will take it in that spirit.”
She also says to say what you need to say, then stop.
“We all do that when we get nervous, we keep talking, there’s a silence and it makes us uncomfortable. We say some more words to try and fill it and sometimes you can stop and be OK with a little bit of silence.”
Some guiding principles:
There’s no magic wand
“In most cases you are going to have to talk to them, there’s no magic potion here, you either tackle a problem or don’t and put up with it.”
Your tone matters
“Be calm and collaborative, use the tone you would use to raise any other work issue such as a problem with the printer”.
People go to the boss too much
“A lot of managers will say to you ‘have you talked to the person about it?’
There are some things that are serious enough you can go straight to your boss – discrimination, harassment and safety.
Common work conflicts
Co-workers disturb you
“Noise is a big issue and that kind of stuff you want to resolve it with the person”, she says.
Green says a good approach is - it’s not you, it’s me: “'I’m finding I really have trouble concentrating', not, 'you're being incredibly noisy and obnoxious'.”
Others taking credit for your work
“If you’re seeing a pattern I would be very direct. You don’t have to pass a judgement on it, and characterise it as 'you are taking credit for my work' you can name specifically what happened in the most recent situation.”
If it happens in a meeting and you’re on your toes, interject there and then, she says.
“Make it clear to the person you’re not going to stand back and let them do that.”
The snarky email that copies in the subject
“This happens a lot – own up to it. Sometimes people are so mortified when it happens that they don’t address it at all and hope it will somehow go away.
“Say 'I am mortified, I had a moment of frustration and I really apologise for saying that'.”
She suggests going to the person and fessing up. it might also be a chance to talk about the behaviour that prompted the snarky comment, but in a measured way, she says.
Alison Green, Ask a Manager Photo: Twitter
The job isn’t what you signed up for
“This happens way more than it should, managers are often bad at conveying exactly what the work is they need done.”
She says this needs to be handled directly with the manager.
"Say my understanding of the job is I would be doing X Y and Z and I signed up to do it because I was really interested in doing that work, but I’m doing A B and C and I’m happy to help out in the short term but it’s not some something for me in the long run.”
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