The Batman is a massive hit at the box office but after years of nocturnal misery in Bat Land, Simon Morris is nostalgic for the campy '60s TV series.
Simon Morris: Now full disclosure…. My opinion before, during and after watching The Batman is "why bother?"
By my calculation, Robert Pattinson is the seventh or eighth Batman I've seen now - and that's not even counting the comic-book version that I devoured half-heartedly as a child.
But "Why another one?" was answered firmly by a group of youths sitting behind me at the cinema. "The best ever" was their unanimous opinion.
One glance at the poster for the latest iteration of the Caped Crusader will tell you it'll be dark and shadowy - though this time, they offer an explanation. Like his namesake, he mostly works at night.
And the recent record of comic-book movies means the length - it's nearly three hours - won't come as much of a surprise either.
But you can't say it doesn't give you all the expected ingredients. There's the Batmobile, the big Wayne mansion - though it's been years since it was called "stately Wayne Manor" - and millionaire Bruce Wayne and his loyal butler Alfred.
Andy Serkis plays Alfred as a Michael Caine tribute, just as Robert Pattinson plays Bruce Wayne - aka The Batman - as a blend of old school Michael Keaton, and less old school Christian Bale.
Just with even fewer jokes.
This version doesn't take the character very far from those two versions of Batman - or 'The' Batman, as this film favours.
Actually, Bruce Wayne himself seems to prefer the rather more generic "Vengeance".
But over the years we've got used to our comic book heroes and heroines obscuring their own brand names.
Just as Diana Prince failed to ever use the name "Wonder Woman" in any of the movies of that name, in this film "Cat Woman" doesn't give herself a formal title either.
This time "Selina" - following in the stellar footsteps of Michelle Pfeiffer and Anne Hathaway - is played by Zoë Kravitz.
But she's up against strong screen competition. Leading the supervillain charge is the Riddler, this time entirely swaddled in leather with a pair of goggles.
The Riddler clearly has issues - though anyone who thinks the dank, dripping Gotham City is covering up its corruption needs to get his eyes tested.
The main issue, as in all big-budget comic-book movies - is who's hiding under the mask? Well, we'll have to wait a couple of hours to find out.
We have to wait even longer - to the credits in fact - for the answer to "Who's playing the Penguin?"
It's an astonishing makeup job, inspired by Danny Devito, back in the Tim Burton movies of the '80s.
I had no idea who it was, and even when I read the name - you can look it up yourself, I won't spoil it here - I found it hard to believe.
Not only did he look nothing like the well-known actor, or sound anything like him, it wasn't even his sort of part. So why do it, you wonder?
Stunt casting aside, The Batman spends most of its running length negotiating the familiar origin story.
His alter ego Bruce Wayne, no longer a playboy, is now a sombre recluse, brooding over the murder of his politician parents.
This is a disappointment to Wayne supporters, who expected him to carry on their good works.
With a nod to the political culture wars of the past 20 years, in corrupt Gotham City, most of the powers that be are in the pocket of organized crime.
So while The Batmanfights the symptoms of political crime, it takes mavericks like the evil Riddler and the quite nice Catwoman - sorry, Selina - to tackle the actual people to blame.
It sounds almost complex the way I describe it. But stretched out over three hours it starts to look like - to coin a phrase - just another day in the Batcave.
It's fine if you've never seen a recent Batman before - as usual, it pretty much follows the blueprint of comic-book auteur Frank Miller's ultra-noir Dark Knight.
The audience I saw it with - mostly male, mostly under 25 - absolutely loved it, mostly undeterred by some rather disturbing violence.
And worldwide, The Batman's box-office figures are going through the roof.
But for me, after years of the nocturnal misery of The Dark Knight, Batman versus Superman and The Joker, I find myself nostalgic for the campy old TV series.
Frank Gorshin's Riddler had rather wittier riddles, too.
