When does deliberation and contemplation turn into overthinking?
Melody Wilding is an executive coach, academic and author who argues that we need to be very intentional about how we use our brain power and overthinking problems is unhelpful and draining.
It is possible to channel sensitivities and fears in order to break free from stress, perfectionism and impostor syndrome, she says.
Photo: befunky.com
Wilding has written a book on the subject: Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work.
“Overthinking is when your thought process becomes too complex, too complicated. And it's not necessarily related to how long you think but the quality of your thinking.
“So, your thoughts become unhelpful, circular, and they don't serve you,” Wilding told Nine to Noon.
She breaks overthinking down into three kinds.
“First, we have rumination, where we are rehashing the past, we’re reliving situations, wondering why did I say that stupid remark? What was that person thinking of me? And so that's when we just chew over something over and over and over again.
Then there’s future tripping, she says.
“So that's all of those anxieties, the what ifs that we get caught in when we're thinking about the future at the cost of the present.”
Analysis paralysis is her third category of overthinking.
“We've all been there, where we're trying to make a simple decision, but we just feel paralyzed. Or we feel like we have so many options, and so many different directions we could go that we just can't choose.”
There's a difference between overthinking and deep thinking, with deep thinking being a positive trait, she says.
“We can channel our thoughtfulness to be deliberate, reflective, to make intuitive choices. And so deep thinking is when you can analyze various angles, you can synthesise details and information.
“When it turns into overthinking is when that becomes unhelpful. And usually overthinking is more characterised by negative self-talk.”
Overthinking can have a tremendous impact on us and the people around us, Wilding says.
“First and foremost, it's just draining. We all start the day with a limited amount of cognitive energy. And as we go along, through our day, we're making decisions and choices.
“And every time we're having a thought, we're using up a bit of that glucose. And so, we have to be very intentional about how we use our brain power. And if we're using it to overthink, well, then you don't have much brain power leftover to do the really important thinking and decision making. So, it's very depleting.”
Sensitivity while it can be a strength, can become a weakness, she says.
“That is very true in the case of many sensitive people, where they are so aware of what's going on around them of other people's mannerisms, or micro behaviours, of how they are showing up in a situation that their self-awareness can go too far and become self-consciousness.”
This can lead to behaviour such as people pleasing, or even perfectionism, she says.
“Where we're trying to find the one right choice, or we're going over something 100 times to make sure we're making the right decision.
“And so absolutely, we are often the biggest thing that stands in our own way, because we make up stories, and we put roadblocks in our own way.”
A related trait, perfectionism, can also be both a strength and weakness, she says.
“Perfectionism is about is over emphasising your weaknesses and underplaying your strengths.
“So, a perfectionist will set unrealistic goals, and then they'll beat themselves up for not being good enough.”
Imposter syndrome is a symptom of overthinking, she says.
“You may have a great job, you get positive performance reviews, you've received recognition in your industry and yet, you haven't fully internalised your successes.
“And that is the main marker of imposter syndrome is this inability to internalise and integrate those successes into your self-image of how you see yourself."
So, what is the best way to try to channel sensitivities or to confront your imposter syndrome?
“One quick tool that I like to give my clients is to de-personalise the imposter syndrome, to actually give that voice, a name, that is separate from you.
“And this may sound a little hokey or silly, but it connects to this psychological principle known as distancing, that if we can feel like something is separate from us, we feel like we have a little bit of mental and emotional space from it, we're able to deal with it more effectively.”
It is difficult to retrain your brain away from such well-worn grooves, she says.
“It's important to recognise what are your biggest triggers? What are your greatest hits I like to say. Most of us have typical imposter stories that we come back to again and again, and again, they're like a tape player that gets pressed in our mind.
“One of mine is ‘I can't do this, I can't handle this,’”
Whenever that voice comes up, she tells herself ‘oh, there's Bozo again’.
“Rather than falling down the cycle of I always fall into this, I always do this, I can never get past this, instead of falling down that cycle - name that voice.”
