Life coach Brittany Farrant-Smith wants to bust misconceptions about eating disorders and offer hope to others struggling with food.
"I know there is light at the other end of the tunnel, having been in that place myself and feeling like I would never get out of it," she tells Kathryn Ryan.
Mindset coach and author Brittany Farrant-Smith Photo: @mentally_fitt
Brittany Farrant-Smith is the author of Living Full: A Guide to Overcoming your Eating Disorder, published by Bateman Books.
Farrant-Smith says the seeds of her eating disorder were sewn while playing competitive football in Qatar, where she spent time as a teenager. The idea was that if she could get herself looking as muscular and athletic as her teammates, she would perform better.
"It became my goal to get that six-pack. And that would fix everything .., I would feel better about my performance and my play if I looked that way. But it turns out that that's not how it works."
Although she had some awareness that exercising for five hours at a time wasn't healthy. Farrant-Smith says she was in denial when concerned friends later encouraged her to see a GP about a potential eating disorder.
"I went to the doctor, to be honest, to try and prove a point that I was right that I didn't have a problem and that my friends were being silly about the whole scenario ... I mentioned that my friends were worried about me, and asked should I be worried about myself.
"He turned around and said 'Yeah, you're thin ... you're lucky that you could go away and eat a chocolate bar every day because people like me look at it and put on weight'."
This "really unhelpful" response was probably the worst advice Farrant-Smith could have received at that time, she says, because it validated what she wanted to believe - that she was fine.
"[Being dismissed in this way] makes you want to prove yourself a little bit more. And that really makes the symptoms come out stronger [as they are] trying to prove that you are sick enough to warrant help."
Living Full: A Guide to Overcoming your Eating Disorder by Brittany Farrant-Smith Photo: Supplied
After Farrant-Smith's friends insisted she get a second opinion, a second doctor eventually diagnosed her with anorexia.
At the time, she was 19 and in her second year of studying psychology at Victoria University. It was around a year before she was able to speak to a psychologist about the condition, during which time her condition worsened.
"I think maybe subconsciously, some of it was trying to prove that I was sick enough to warrant the help."
Long waitlists for counselling are unhelpful for people already questioning whether or not they deserve help, Farrant-Smith says.
"Twelve months is a long time when you've got this debilitating illness that's impacting your everyday life. I was leaving exams, I was neglecting social activities, I was pushing away my friends, I [entered] this really small world."
Eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia and binge eating are a protective mechanism, Farrant-Smith says, and when you have one it can be really scary to imagine life without it.
"If you give in to the eating disorder voice and you take it on as your persona, it makes it harder to overcome and challenge that."
This kind of illness is much less about vanity and attention-seeking than seeking a sense of control, she says.
To "take the power back" it's essential to learn that these patterns of behaviour are related to an illness, not your identity.
Recovering requires active commitment and also an acknowledgement that the process won't be "linear or clean", Farrant-Smith says.
"It's super messy, it's up and down. You're going to find it really hard to start with and other days you're gonna find it super easy. But the biggest thing is having a support network around you being open and honest and your feelings."
Living Full was borne from Farrant-Smith's Instagram posts in which she processed her thoughts and feelings about her eating disorder experience.
"I ended up with a repository of information ... and I thought 'you know what, if this is helping other people, as well as my own recovery, then there's something useful here'. And that's when I thought maybe I should turn this into a workbook or a book."
There's plenty of academic research about eating disorders out there but not a lot of content in which people share their lived experiences, Farrant-Smith says. She hopes Living Full will encourage others with disordered eating to acknowledge there's a problem and seek out support from professionals, friends and family.
Where to get help:
If you think you might have an eating disorder, you can talk to your GP.
The Eating Disorders Association of New Zealand (EDANZ) has a website and a helpline - 0800 2 EDANZ / 0800 2 33269.
Need to Talk?
Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
