Photo: RNZ
Building a healthy relationship with your money begins with removing self-blame and shame from the equation, a financial expert says.
Victoria Vivente is an accredited financial coach and the author of Know Your Worth: Heal your relationship with your money and yourself.
She told The Weekend she was inspired to write the book by many of the clients she saw while working as a financial mentor.
"They would have these financial issues that they'd been carrying around for such a long time, and they'd really delayed seeking help because they had so much shame about what had happened to them.
"It really kind of broke my heart that people ... were so embarrassed or nervous about asking for help, because they felt like they were the only person that this had happened to."
She wanted to write a book that reassured people - especially young people - that "you're not the only person that this has happened to and there is a way forward", she said.
Many factors could influence people's relationships with money, such as grief, domestic violence, chronic illness, and access to education, Vivente said.
Somebody who grew up in poverty would generally, as an adult, have very different interactions with money than somebody who grew up in a financially secure household.
"If you layer that with a relationship where someone made you feel that you weren't good with money ... then those things compound on each other."
In Know Your Worth, Vivente wrote about "becoming your own financial coach" and removing shame in order to enjoy a healthier relationship with money.
Victoria Vivente is the author of Know Your Worth - a book that explores the reasons for people's complicated relationships with money and gives practical advice. Photo:
That meant people should ask themselves "behavioural questions" around their finances - but not from a place of blame, she said.
"When something happens - if we go on a spending spree that we didn't want to do, or we find ourselves in unmanageable credit card debt, or we forget to pay a bill - it's really asking ourselves 'why did that happen?'
"Were you busy? What else had happened in your life? Or was it a memory - do you avoid opening your electricity bill because you have memories of being a child and having your power turned off?
"It's really kind of removing the blame and the shame element and thinking 'why did that happen and what can I learn from this to improve it?'"
Seeing an independent financial mentor or coach was also a good idea for many, she said, as they could help people realise "there is light at the end of the tunnel".
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