How to prepare for ditching your social media

By Anna Kelsey-Sugg with Nat Tencic, ABC

When I took myself off social media a year ago, it was with one aim in mind: to spend less time on my phone.

Moving the apps off my phone's home screen and logging out of them as a barrier to logging back in again had proved fruitless. I just got great at working around these hacks.

Photos I didn't need to see and narky comments I didn't need to hear were sucking up too many precious hours in my day.

So I quit. I made sure I told everyone around me what I'd done and that I was now better than them.

But it turns out social media has plenty of good things about it (say, for example, if you enjoy being invited to things). And yes, there are plenty of other excuses to stare at a phone for too long (looking at you news apps and recipe sites).

So if you're someone weighing up whether to ditch social media, how do you prepare yourself? And how might we make social media-free living work for us?

Controlling your own use

First, the ugly truth. Since getting off social media, I've missed out on stuff: invitations to parties, glimpses at new babies and overseas friends' weddings, links to music I should listen to.

It has led to some complex feelings, and I'm not the only one to hold them.

"People have various conflicting attitudes towards the use of social media," says Sharon Horwood, a senior lecturer in psychology at Deakin University, who is studying social media use.

Social media can make us feel good - affirmed and validated, even - but users don't like feeling that it's hard to exercise control or limit their own use, Horwood says.

TikTok users in particular often feel that the app's content makes them feel good but that they can't stop using it, which "are quite contradictory ideas", she says.

Social media ban for young people

While adults contend with their own self-control, young people are about to have limits imposed on them, as the federal government looks set to ban social media for under-16-year-olds in Australia.

Parents and carers might be called upon to help wean their children off social media.

"It's going to be a tough one," Horwood says.

"Taking away something that they find really engaging and perhaps addictive as well is going to be a battle for parents. There's no point in sugar-coating that.

"If you're Gen X or older, you probably can remember social media-free life and maybe even have nostalgic feelings about that time. For younger people, millennials and younger, they possibly can't imagine it. It's something that's always been around in their life."

But she says parents can try to facilitate their kids' social connections in other ways.

Messaging platforms like Messenger Kids, for example, may not be included in the ban.

Plus, she says being off social media might offer young people an experience of youth that is calmer and less stressful, one in which they are "less worried about fitting in".

She says removing young people from social media may also impact their parents' or carers' social media use. If an adult is glued to social media, it will be tricky to explain to a young person why they should be off it completely.

"It'll be really interesting to see how [adults] enforce it.

How to wean yourself off social media

"There's so much emotional angst and weight that is tethered to how we use social media," Dr Horwood says.

"There's guilt, there's shame … and then there's also a sense of sheepishness, perhaps, when people come back [after quitting]."

When I recognised that social media wasn't enriching my life and decided I wanted out, I found taking little steps was helpful to get started.

It was one app at a time and, as I got used to not being on one, the transition to getting rid of another one became easier and easier.

"What we're talking about is a behaviour change," Horwood says.

"And whatever the behaviour is, if it's smoking, drinking, substance use, if you're trying to exercise more, lose weight, those things require major changes to our habits that we formed, and they're often long-term habits.

"They're really deeply ingrained, and they give us some sense of comfort as well. So [change] is really hard for people."

So cut yourself some slack if it doesn't work first time, or at all.

Say you're leaving before you go

Whatever the change you make - going cold turkey or dialling down your usage - there's a first step that helped me and that could help you, too.

"The most important thing would be before you [get off social media or certain apps] is to communicate that choice or decision with the people around you, so that people aren't concerned that you suddenly disappear," Dr Horwood says.

Being clear about your intentions to the people in your circle is a good way of ensuring you don't miss out on invitations or communication, because people know they have to get their message to you through other means. (This will also help if you decide to switch your smartphone for a dumbphone.)

Plan before you make the change, Horwood says.

"Think about the things you use social media for and the things you think you're going to miss if you stop using it.

"It's about pre-planning, thinking about strategies ahead of time, ahead of stopping social media, so that you don't feel like, 'Oh, now I'm kind of left with nothing. There's a big void there.' You've got [to have] something to fill those gaps."

Horwood suggests focusing on what you might gain, rather than what you're losing, by getting off certain social media apps.

"Probably a lot of time, maybe some mental health, some peace and calmness, and possibly even some self-confidence as well."

- This story was first published by ABC