Sleeping separately has been credited with saving some relationships. Photo: STOCK4B GMBH
It may sound like what happens when a relationship is on the rocks, but sleeping in separate rooms is increasingly being credited with keeping couples together.
Sleep is absolutely essential for one's health and wellbeing, and trying to get a decent night's worth of rest can be impossible if you're lying beside a partner that snores, has vastly different body temperature, restless legs, a different schedule or anything else you consider disruptive.
That's why a 'sleep divorce' is so highly valued by a growing number of couples.
New research from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found 21 percent of all adults in the US sleep in a different space to their partners. That percentage is higher in younger couples, with 26 percent of Americans aged 25 - 34 claiming to do so.
But sleep divorce is not just a modern trend.
Sleep experts and anthropologists delving into the practice have found a fascinating tapestry of cultural, historical and psychological factors that influence how and why couples have chosen to embrace this unconventional arrangement - and why some reject it.
Dan Ford is the clinical director of the Better Sleep Clinic in New Zealand and specialises in sleep and insomnia therapies, having worked with military special operations teams and professional sports teams on improving their sleep.
"We work clinically with people who have sleep problems, so it's not uncommon for us to come across couples choosing to sleep in separate rooms because of the sleep problems," Ford told Sunday Morning.
"It seems more popular with the younger population. Millennials, I think I saw up to 40 percent are likely to say they have independent sleeping arrangements.
"If you're choosing that arrangement because you both decide you sleep better that way, there's not really that stigma (that the relationship has cooled). There's possibly less of that stigma in the younger generations, too."
Woman sleeping in bed. Photo: 123RF
While many couples choose to sleep in separate spaces, others are forced to.
"Clinically, we work with some people who literally cannot sleep next to someone else. That [has a big impact on] their ability to have a partner," said Ford.
"Then you've got other people who can't sleep without their partner, and then you've got all the people with normal arrangements in the middle. So it can be very variable and it's very subjective."
Sleep divorce may sound like a contemporary and unconventional concept, but married couples sleeping separately is not and never had been unusual in Japan, parts of Scandinavia or in some Islamic and Jewish cultures.
But it also became common in Western societies in the 1800s.
"Anthropologists have written books on the cultural anthropology of sleep and sleeping arrangements. It seems like during the Victorian era, [sleep divorce] reflected some of the changes of the time as people started to have more opportunity to sleep separately, for various reasons. And they chose to do so," said Ford.
"Back in the Victorian times, most marriages were probably still arranged. It's only in the 20th century where people started choosing to get married in Western cultures, where they're making a personal choice and actually want to sleep next to the person.
"In the past, it might have been more like, 'yeah, we'll sleep together to make a few kids, and that's it'."
For modern couples in Western societies who remain in love, there may be a stigma attached to sleeping separately and to combat that Ford suggested dropping the term 'sleep divorce' altogether. Instead, each member of a relationship could have a 'sleep sanctuary' room, which may or may not be a shared bedroom.
Man sleeping and turning off alarm clock Photo: 123RF
Couples concerned about the negative impacts of sleeping in different rooms should also keep in mind that most people don't have great conversations or bonding time while asleep, Ford noted.
You can do whatever you want together as a couple while awake then just go your separate ways for the actual sleeping hours of the evening.
"It's always good to negotiate what you want to do as a couple. We always encourage people... to definitely have some together time at the start of the night, then you might go off to your separate places when ready for sleep," Ford said.
"That's going to be helpful for intimacy."
A sleep divorce also does not have to be permanent. Couples can of course try it out, see if it works for them and then revert to sleeping together if it does not.
For some couples, sleeping separately to ensure a good night's sleep will mean they have better quality time together while awake - and thus save their relationship.
