New Zealander Samuel Gaze and Czech Ondrej Cink pictured in action during the men's cross-country mountain bike cycling race at the Paris 2024 Olympic Games. Photo: DIRK WAEM / AFP
During his darkest moments, the Paris Olympic Games had been Sam Gaze's light.
The Rotorua mountain biker says standing on the Olympic podium was one of the guiding ambitions that motivated him when he battled mental illness during a tumultuous period from 2019 - 2021.
The double world champion believed deep within himself that on Tuesday (NZ time), on Elancourt Hill course in Paris, he would complete the final act in his redemptive arc.
For a brief burst there on the fourth lap of the 35.2 kilometre course, when Gaze was sitting in the bronze medal position after fighting his way back from a messy start, it looked as though the storyline he had written for himself was neatly falling into place.
But in brutal conditions, made even tougher by the furious tempo set by leaders, Gaze slipped off the pace the following lap. He eventually settled for sixth as New Zealand's run of "almosts" continued on day three of the Olympic Games.
"I'm heartbroken to be honest," an emotional Gaze told media shortly after this race.
"Today was the day I thought about when I was in those dark places and trying to get myself out. I felt like this would be my day of redemption.
"It just wasn't meant to be. I have to be happy, I have to be content. I'm fortunate to live the life I do, and representing your country at the world's biggest sporting event is something to be grateful for. To be here in the first place is a massive privilege.
"I just wish I could have done more."
The race was won in spectacular fashion by British rider Tom Pidcock, who after sustaining a puncture in the fourth lap when he was in a dominant position, fought his way back to claim gold at the last.
Pidcock edged out hometown favourite Victor Koretzky with an aggressive move on one of the final turns, drawing a chorus of boos from the crowd as he crossed the finish line. South Africa's Alan Hatherly, the early leader, claimed bronze.
Tom Pidcock. Photo: Federico Pestellini / Panoramic / DPPI via AFP
The boisterous local fans lining the course five deep had hoped Koretzky could match the heroics of his compatriot Pauline Ferrand-Prevot, who won the women's cross country race 24 hours earlier with a sensational solo run.
But Pidcock, cut adrift from the lead pack by 40 seconds after the puncture, kept his cool in searing hot conditions in Paris, mowing down the field - including Gaze - one by one.
It was when Pidcock, the defending Olympic champion, charged past the Kiwi rider that Gaze realised his day was done. He didn't have it in his legs to give chase with the Brit, who was writing his own comeback story.
"When I tried to follow Pidcock back to Alan Hatherly, that was it. I knew I didn't have it then. That was the moment I lost it," Gaze reflected after the race.
"What brought me to my knees was not being able to ride the tempo I needed to come back to Alan, and then what killed me was when Pidcock got away."
Sam Gaze of New Zealand during a training session. Photo: SW Pix / www.photosport.nz
Speaking with media less than an hour after his race, Gaze appeared to be wrestling with a barrage of conflicting emotions.
"It's no secret that I came here for more. I guess I can only be content with the fact I left it all out there.
He admitted though, he would likely be hard on himself after falling short of the "fairytale ending" he had held onto for so long.
Gaze publicly opened up about his mental health battles in 2022 after securing back-to-back Commonwealth Games gold. The 28-year-old rider went through a period of depression in 2019 after he grappled with the fall-out and his own personal disappointment over his infamous clash with teammate Anton Cooper at the 2018 Commonwealth Games.
That was compounded by a series of injury and health setbacks in 2019, including a head injury following a bike crash in South Africa.
He said that period of his life, as well as the disappointment of missing out on the Tokyo Games three years ago, taught him a lot.
"When I was younger my identity was tied up in how well I raced a bike, and as much as it hurts now, I know my people will still care about me in the morning.
"It's going to take some time, but at the end of the day life goes on. I've learned that.
"I think the biggest thing is, don't lose hope."
