Every woman experiences an abortion in a different way, so we asked some women to share their stories. When they’ve requested it, we have changed their names.
Warning: some of the issues and experiences discussed may be upsetting.
Amanda
I got pregnant as the result of a sexual assault. It happened at the end of December, but I went overseas directly afterwards and didn’t think much of anything (because I was travelling lots). When I got back, I found out I was about seven weeks pregnant.
I got a pregnancy test at a Family Planning clinic, and went in there openly saying that I wanted to know if I was pregnant so that I could start the process for getting a termination if I was. To get the first appointment to find out if I was pregnant, I had to go out to Lower Hutt from central Wellington, then it was quite a wait until I could get the second appointment with a nurse at the city clinic. It was a little tricky, because I think the clinic was under a lot of pressure compared to how many resources they had.
But staff started the process immediately and were completely supportive of how sure I was about what I wanted. My memory is pretty foggy now, but I think the nurse talked to me about the different procedures and asked if I was sure I wanted to be referred to the hospital. I know that she did a test for STIs. She also arranged for me to get an ultrasound at a radiology place to send to the hospital so it had that. I can’t remember if I chose the type of procedure I had then – I think that happened later at the hospital – but she did describe them both to me.
He gave me this disbelieving look and was like “Well, you got pregnant somehow”.
At the hospital I met with a counsellor-type person (I’m not sure if she was a doctor) and the doctor who was going to do the procedure. I made my views about the whole jumping through hoops thing clear to them. The counsellor woman was really kind about that, like she explained why she was asking me things, and then said “You said that this isn’t what you want, that it’s going to interfere with your studies and your plans… it’s fair to say that this would be pretty emotionally damaging to you, right?”
It was quite frustrating and stressful, having to go through all the things, but I think most of the people I spoke to knew that. The actual doctor who was going to do the procedure was not that great when I spoke to him, though. He offered me long-term contraception, and I turned it down because I generally only sleep with women. I hadn’t told anyone that I’d been assaulted, but you’d think they’d be sensitive about comments and assumptions they make. He gave me this disbelieving look and was like “Well, you got pregnant somehow”.
They gave me valium and some pills to dilate the cervix and some sort of anti-pain stuff, but I was awake during the procedure. It went completely fine, but was quite painful after, and my body just went to sleep for like a day.
They were playing the movie Black Swan in the waiting room, which was probably not the most calming choice for women waiting for terminations. I was also given a big info book and pamphlets with the date and time of the procedure and what to do before and after, which was helpful. And they made sure there was someone to pick me up and take me home and stuff.
I identify as a lesbian so it’s not something that’s on my mind much, but I’ve always thought that were I to fall pregnant in any unplanned way, I would most likely want a termination. Emotions-wise, I didn’t really think about it much, I just kind of went back to normal, but that is my general (and probably not good) approach to things which might be described as “traumatic”.
I’ve always been quite a depressed and anxious person, and I think that has gotten worse since, though I’m not sure if it’s related. I haven't had explicit “what could that child have been like” thoughts, but I think there is a kind of guilt underpinning my feelings now.
