Every woman experiences an abortion in a different way, so we asked some women to share their stories. When they’ve requested it, we have changed their names.
A warning: some of this things discussed in these stories may be upsetting.
Julia
It was the very late 1970s; I was 18, and in Arizona in the United States. Abortion was legal, but it was a few years after Roe versus Wade, so the anti-abortion movement hadn’t really got off the ground like it has now.
You had to search for information a little, and I was going to a Catholic high school, so it was more difficult for me. But on the other hand, you could look in the yellow pages and find a whole list of people to call if you thought you were pregnant.
I was still in denial, and it was very early days, but I was already puking, so I saw an ad for “free pregnancy tests”, so I went to have one. I got inside the office space, and I was surprised because it didn’t seem like any kind of medical clinic. There were posters on the wall that seemed to reflect Catholic doctrine. At the time the lady who I spoke with seemed really old to me, but she was probably middle-aged. She had a really strong “nun” vibe.
“Even now, it’s like there’s a certain way to grieve for your abortion, you’re supposed to feel bad about it. I didn’t feel bad about it”
We talked, and she gave me the test, and I peed on the stick. She looked at it, and looked at it and said “You know, this is inconclusive, you should come back in a few weeks”. She turned to me and put her hand on my arm and said “You know, even if you are pregnant, it’s not the end of the world”.
At that point, I realised that my best bet was to get out of there – if I had been more forthcoming, or less sure of myself, I would have been really vulnerable. You only go to a place with free pregnancy tests if you can’t go to your doctor, or because you can’t tell your parents. And that’s something that she could hold over me.
So I went back to the Yellow Pages, and I found another place. I went there and did the tests, and I was pregnant. They had an opening for an abortion that Saturday, and that was that.
My greatest fear at that point was that people from my school might be picketing the clinic that day; it was in the same general area of my school and my house. The actual clinic did a great job – there were several sessions of talking through it, and making sure it was what I wanted.
All I felt was sweet, sweet relief, and I have never regretted it. I haven’t shared this with my family – they still don’t know. And I would have felt bad sharing the relief that I was feeling, like there was something wrong with me. Even now, it’s like there’s a certain way to grieve for your abortion, you’re supposed to feel bad about it. I didn’t feel bad about it.
Cover image: Flickr user Gnarlsmonkey)
