A year ago today was the third reading of the legislation that became introduced marriage equality to New Zealand. The Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill passed its third and final reading in Parliament by 77 votes to 44. The vote made New Zealand the first country in the Asia-Pacific region and the 13th in the world to enshrine marriage equality in law. Two days later it received royal assent, and the first same-sex marriages were performed four months later on August 19. More than 350 gay couples tied the knot in the second half of last year.
Kirsten says she has never not felt accepted for being gay, but the passage of the law did feel like being validated. “It felt like the Government doing the ‘right thing’,” she says. “I hate saying it, but it does kind of feel like that.”
She and her partner Greta, 33, had been together seven years, and have a daughter. They had been waiting for the legislation to pass to get married, and they tied the knot on Valentine’s Day this year. (Full disclosure: The Wireless senior producer Megan Whelan, who is also a celebrant, performed the ceremony.) Planning a wedding was exciting. “I just don't understand why gay people couldn’t get married before. Call me naïve, but... it was just really exciting.”
Oh! Y'all! One year ago today the Marriage Equality Bill became law. If only I'd known then what I know now ???
— Sarah-Rose Báthory (@ohsarahrose) April 16, 2014
She hesitates when asked why the couple wanted to get married, acknowledging that there are a lot of arguments against marriage for the queer community: “that it’s just buying into a heterosexual institution. And I totally respect that and really understand that. But we just wanted to celebrate us. And a wedding seemed like the perfect way to do that.” Kirsten says she and Greta wanted to define their family for their now 19-month-old daughter, and any future children.
One of the reasons we wanted to do it so quickly was so many people that we knew, and us, had been through really hard stuff last year. And we just wanted a big celebration for our community
The wedding itself was “affirming”. “One of the reasons we wanted to do it so quickly was so many people that we knew, and us, had been through really hard stuff last year. And we just wanted a big celebration for our community.” They called their wedding a “big love party”.
“I'm totally glad that that marriage equality passed because if I was a heterosexual person getting married I think I’d be a lot more uncomfortable knowing that other people didn't have the opportunity.” The couple had a section in their ceremony that pointed out that, while same-sex marriage is now legal in New Zealand, there are still people around the world fighting for basic human rights based on their sexuality.
“On a practical level, I don't think anything has changed, because we've been together for so long anyway, that it's not like we moved in together or anything.” But Kirsten says she thinks there is some social clout attached to being married. “It does seem like quite a privilege to be able to say ‘I’m married’, and get the currency associated with that.”
She doesn't feel like her relationship is any more valid than that between people who aren't married. “And I don't feel like get married is something everyone should do... it’s kind of like when you dye your hair, and you go out in public and get perceived differently because of your hair colour. It's this kind of arbitrary thing that doesn't change the essence of who you are, but changes how you're perceived.”
