Fran Barclay got married in 2014 and divorced in 2019. Photo: Fran Barclay
A wedding is often one of the biggest celebrations in a person's life. While they differ across cultures, there's usually food, vows and dancing to celebrate the start of a marriage.
Why then, asks writer Fran Barclay, do we not celebrate the end of a marriage in the same way?
Barclay got married in 2014, and this July would have marked his 10-year wedding anniversary, had he not got divorced in 2019.
So instead of throwing a bash to mark the anniversary, he held a divorce party, with poetry readings, a quiz, and dancing to a playlist of "break-up bangers" (including Ariana Grande's 'Thank U, Next').
"I've always loved a party, I think that's probably why I was particularly enthusiastic about getting married," he told Nights.
"I loved planning a wedding, I spent a lot of time and put a lot of energy into it.
"I think it's really sad that Western society has such a narrow view of the things that can and can't be celebrated. We have birthdays, which some people don't actually enjoy celebrating, and we have Christmas, which for many of us is actually quite fraught.
"Then of course we have weddings, which are this multimillion-dollar industry. It only felt right to do something to acknowledge the equally significant moment that is the end of a relationship - that is as life-changing as starting one."
Barclay originally envisioned the party as a "second hen do", but decided that did not seem appropriate.
Instead, he tried to make the party an event that was both sincere and playful.
"Trying to combine emotions into one event can be challenging, and I think that's partly why it is less common to celebrate or acknowledge divorce than it is weddings," he said.
"The general thought is that a wedding is usually a happy occasion, but divorce typically comes with a range of different feelings."
Barclay used the party to reflect on his good memories of his marriage and his wedding day, which involved a Christian ceremony with traditional vows.
That included the vow to look after each other in sickness and in health - a vow that he had recommitted to, but for himself, he said.
"We get divorced, we obviously lose our partner and our team-mate, [but] we can offer that same commitment to ourselves, to look after ourselves in sickness and in health."
Those who went through divorce should not be ashamed, he said, and their loved ones should rally around them the same way they did when they got married.
"I think we should offer each other that same solidarity and the same support when a relationship ends."
According to Stats NZ, 7995 couples were granted a divorce in Aotearoa in 2023 - up slightly from the 7593 couples who divorced the previous year.
