For many mums, managing their family's daily needs is a digital workload piled onto an already-full plate. Photo: Public domain
Booking appointments, arranging play dates, ordering groceries... if you're a mother and feel like you're drowning in device-based tasks, it might be because you are.
Women in heterosexual relationships still do most of the household jobs, studies show, and for many mothers, managing their family's daily needs is an extra digital workload on an already-full plate.
It is time to acknowledge that the imbalance of caregiving work along gender lines is detrimental to both women and men, BBC science journalist Melissa Hogenboom told Saturday Morning.
The overloaded lives of today's mothers can be traced back to traditional gender expectations, Hogenboom said. Girls who are raised to be empathetic and nurturing can become mothers who, like herself, constantly keep "mental stock" of what their children might need.
"I'm anticipating their needs before time because I've always done so and my partner perhaps hasn't been socialised in the same way to do this."
This assumption that childcare is primarily a woman's domain is "quite fixed" in our culture, she said, even if that woman is working full-time and earning more than her male partner.
As mothers are more often seen and known by fellow parents, they often become the "default parent" and primary point of contact for correspondence.
Melissa Hogenboom BBC science journalist. Photo: Supplied
'Maternal gatekeeping', in which men are shut out of caregiving tasks, is understandable when a woman has already become proficient in them, Hogenboom said, but it prevents father-child bonding.
Women passing subtle judgements on their male partner's parenting contributions - such as laughing at how he has dressed a baby - might seem innocent but can really dent a man's confidence as a parent.
One reason why a woman might take over in a case like this is that when it comes to parenting and a child's appearance, mothers are held to different standards, Hogenboom said.
"If a dad comes to school and drops off a kid wearing mismatched socks it's seen as cute. If a mother does it she might get judged for it."
Historically the gender imbalance in childcare has been massively detrimental not only to mothers, she said, but also to fathers who have felt themselves confined to the sidelines.
"It's pretty stressful for the secondary caregiver to come home and always be second best."
To increase the participation of fathers in their children's lives the number one thing needed is a paid paternity leave system in which men are supported and not judged, Hogenboom said.
When they are allowed to spend more time at home, fathers will learn to anticipate their children's needs from the outset, she said, without having to be told or prodded by their wives.
In turn, women should not have to face a 'motherhood penalty' in the workplace where their salary declines after becoming a mother and often doesn't earn her more than the cost of childcare.
The expectation that a woman's work hours are more flexible than a man's - even if they are both parents working from home - also needs an update, Hogenboom said.
"A man's working hours are seen as more rigid and more protected whereas women are more likely to put on laundry at lunchtime or to get the pasta ready just before school pickup."
The reason mothers have always moulded their day-to-day lives to fit in with childcare responsibilities is because that is what they have been expected to do, she said.
"It's very convenient that the unpaid labour of women has propped up the childcare issues in society for the last decade but now that women are stepping off into the workplace more it does need to be addressed."
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